12 midnight my heart is pounding
but though you cant here it over the alarm sounding
just now to sit here and think and constantly think
sink down in your covers while your wide awake
thinking and worring over your past mistakes
now its one AM still scared and thinking about what will eventually happen next
reflect still on my mistakes but wont express my wrong doings
they say time goes when your having fun
I am internnaly suffering and look at how fast time is moving
1 30 a tear runs down my cheek
metally trying to stay strong
but my heart pounds while saying­ your weak
I am weak
I admit it now
please believe me
I dont wish to speak no more..
the wind flies and opens and closes the door
as I am trying and trying to finally falls asleep
another hour will pass Ive settled
but the feeling comes back
now its 2:30
oh the dreaded 2:30 its getting closer to my set bed time
were I must fall asleep
what more do I need
I am yelling sorry in my head
yelling and yelling
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LISTEN
I always pushed people away
until this day I regret, because at this point I dont want to be alone
but I will try to drown it out
oh no my eyes closed
I feel into a dream state
chained now to my fears
its a nightmare
a nightmare I am trying so hard to wake up
but initially I am still scared
I am being turned this way and that way
and sinking under the covers
over thinking now how I begin to view my existence
you told me I should just admit it
I should have believed my own witness
5 am now I see the sun
the war is over
victory
I have finally won
now I can fall back to sleep
now is it out of tiredness
or just out of my own peace
tomarow will I make it to this time?
This is what happens when I contiue to tell a lie
10 am the final alarm will sound
I woke up eyes wide awake
I can yell kick and scream I am proud
but I will slip back again when this time comes around this night
its a fight when my biggest gift is life..
but I can never sleep on
something bigger then insomnia
a something scarier than an irrational fear
nothing like the thought and the realistic fear of death in my sleep that
every day I ponder on
and wonder on until this sleep will eventually fall asleep
and life will eventually miss me